Tuesday, September 26, 2006

She probably doesn't do windows anyhow...

A girl came in my store the other day and asked for a job application...here is how the conversation went:

GIRL THAT JUST DOESN'T GET IT: "Hi...could I have a job application"

ME: "Hi...I'm not looking to hire anyone right now...thank you though"

GIRL THAT JUST DOESN'T GET IT: "I just want to fill out an application"

ME: "I'm not looking to hire anyone...thank you"

GIRL THAT JUST DOESN'T GET IT: "But could you just put my application on file?"

ME: "I'm just a small operation I don't really keep applications on file and don't plan on hiring anyone for the next 5 years or so"

GIRL THAT JUST DOESN'T GET IT: "Could I fill one out anyhow just in case you change your mind?"

ME: "The only way we'll be hiring anyone is if I die of cancer"

GIRL THAT JUST DOESN'T GET IT: "Could I leave my name and number just in case?"

ME: "Sure"

Girl fills out name and phone number, thanks me and then leaves. I carefully place name and phone number in my application file.

So if I should die of cancer make sure you go to the town landfill and sift through all the papers and get her number and hire her. She's a go-getter.


bacon ace said...

Yeah she must have been looking for proof of attempted job searching for the Department of Unemployment to be so tenacious in her search for a fruitless application.
BTW what happens in 5 years? Have you planned to fire me then?

Paul said...

not hiring meatheads causes cancer.

pwdonz said...

So much for asking you for a job then, huh?

cake said...

Can I fill out an application?

Sparkle Plenty said...

1) Girl That Just Doesn't Get It is a good idea for a recurring Saturday Night Live character--kind of a Mr. Magooian sort. Another good character: Girl Who Thinks She Gets It (this one constantly nods knowingly, interrupts you, says what she thinks you're about to say, but is always all wrong) aka Girl...Interruptor.
2) Somehow, the phrase "I'm just a small operation" is funny. I don't know why. Me: Some days, I'm just a small smelting plant...
3) The next time someone does this, ask them to write you a 12-page essay--double-spaced, with 1" margins and 12 pitch font--that explains WHY they want to work for you.
4) Is The Girl That Just Doesn't Get It related to The Girl With Something Extra?
5) I must say that I enjoyed Bacon Ace's prime ribbean, Grade A phraseology, "...to be so tenacious in her search for a fruitless application..."
6) Ya know, though, your story puts me in mind of when I was a starving Sparkle (with very little plenty)--just out of college, sweatily clutching my "she's gonna make the big bucks" English major and fending off my college loan companies. I can only dimly recall all of the jobs I tried to get--piano tuner's brow mopper? Jello mold designer?

Sparkle Plenty said...

Pilots On the Roster for Mid-Season '06 Replacements

"Girlillas in the Mist" ...this touching dramedy follows the lives and loves of a lost tribe of part gorillas/part girls who don't get it...let the girlillas swing their way into your heart and warm your spirt...must-see TV

"Girlzilla A Go Go!"...part godzilla, part girl who doesn't get it, this zany atomic age beast/exotic dancer will stomp and crush her way into your tiny fishing village and/or heart...her nonplussed boyfriend Ronald tries to keep up...must-see TV

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I love when you Sparkle go all insane.

It happens.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Jinkies, dude...I'm trying to think outside the box (okay, perhaps even beyond the planet) and resuscitate your topic for the day (41 responses to yesterday's topic and 7 today--hmm...proof that sex sells?). Clearly, I shoulda posted another shrimp recipe...Hmm. Come to think of it, I do have a good one for scampi.

So: Are you hiring?

Sparkle Plenty said...

Actually, maybe the 7 responses proves that everybody else is getting their work done while my entirely repellent project languishes in my in-box. Uh-oh.

Lois Lane said...

Wait a minute...you're only hiring people who have good shrimp recipes? What about the shellfish impaired? They need to work too!

I do have a great easy spaghetti and mussels recipe though. Can I have an application?

Sparkle Plenty said...

Lois: I don't suppose you feel like pasting in your great, easy spaghetti and mussels recipe, do you? I'd love to try it, and it would give me yet another good excuse to avoid the repellent project in my in-box.

C'mon! Double-dog dare you! Be naughty and hijack nooprah's blogmobile!

Rummy2008 said...

A Democrat would have her fill out an application in triplicate, and then establish a new multi-cultural, Gay-Tolerant agency to assure the applications were distributed to any and all potential employers, and then commission a study to find out why more store employment opportunities were not available, and hey, why don’t we pay our teachers more, the children are our future, and then file suit against all store owners who denied her the right to fill out an application, and, oh God, if she was black or Hispanic or gay or Indian or Samoan or Inuit or ANYTHING except white- white –white….

Vagina said...

>>>>>>(41 responses to yesterday's topic and 7 today--hmm...proof that sex sells?).<<<<<<

What the heck does sex have to do with vagina?

Lois Lane said...


Easiest. Recipe. Ever.

Clean 2 lbs of mussels and dump them into a pot. Add 2 cups white wine, one can crushed tomatoes and a few chopped scallions. Cook until mussels open.

In separate pot, cook 1 lb spaghetti. Drain and put in bowl. Dump mussels on top. Serve.

Very easy, very yummy.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Thank you, Lois!

Bemisdown said...

I like the idea of paying our teachers more!

LOTS more!

Lots Lots Lots more!

Anonymous said...

What kind of benefits do you offer? I didn't know you were hiring. Cool.