Monday, March 20, 2006

1. Start a blog

2. In the profile section put a picture of just your smoldering dark eyes.

3. Toss in a witty Hitlerism

4. Pretend that you're actually listening to what they're saying (chicks love that!)

5. Open a door or pull out a chair for them once in a while.

6. And thats about it.

Follow those precise instructions and the ladies are yours!


Sparkle Plenty said...

1. Girls, eh? Ah, ah, ah, Ah-Ahchoo-SHEMALE! Can't get rid of this cold.
2. And, we all thought that the expression "smoldering dark eyes" died with Rudolph Valentino. It sounds painful...Dude! Call the fire department! 911!
3. Funny. Goebbels always said that Hitler was a cock blocker.
4. Does talking in french help, too, or just for Pepe LePew?
5. So, you whisk the chair out, they sit on the floor, and you say "Just testing your reflexes, dear?"
6. Bonus Tip: If you want to pick up an older lady, try dressing like Lawrence Welk and dabbing a dampened coupon behind your ears to produce that tantalizing "bargain musk"!

Anonymous said...

I must admit, the "smoldering dark eyes" hooked me.

Any other body parts you want to share with us? All in the interest of picking up chicks, that it.

Anonymous said...

"is." There I go again-I think I'll read before I press the send button from now on.

Sparkle Plenty said...

It's a good idea to include a shot of "smoldering dark eyes" when you weigh 432 pounds and need to be flipped with a Bunyanator 5000(TM) spatula to prevent bedsores. At least, that's what Heavy Hansel ( tells me.

Yet, I still worry about the inherent fire hazard in smoldering eyes. Don't try this at home, boys. Drop and roll, nooprah, drop and roll.

Phil Donahue's Niece said...

7. Nothing for #7
8. Compliment her shoes
9. Baseball game for a first date (preferably Red Sox or her team of choice. If it's not the Red Sox, dump her)
10. Oysters & Champagne are nice, but save your money and buy a 12er of Sam Adams and some fried clams from Kelly's in REVERE!

John Wilkes Booth said...

Bitch, shut up and make me a sandwich.

cake said...

Sounds like Nooprah is well on his way to being a lady's man.


::raises a pint of the best lager to him::