Tuesday, March 28, 2006

It's wicked easy to publish a woman's magazine...

...just make sure you have at least five of these articles in it.

1. Thin thighs in thirty days!

2. Abs,abs,abs!

3. Twenty five cute Christmas craft ideas!

4. How to excite your man....in the bedroom!

5. Twelve easy to make dinners...for $3.00!

6. Atkins or South Beach? The facts.

7. The G-spot...fact or fiction?

8. Lose 20 pounds in two weeks watching TV

9. Hitler: still alive?

10. What men really talk about.



cake said...

- Three patterns for sexy lingerie you can knit yourself!
- The perfect wedding, for $100 or less.
- Oprah's latest book pick and why it will save civilization.

Lois Lane said...

Two real headlines from a recent issue of Marie Claire:

"What Your Shoes Say About You"

"Drew Barrymore's Amazing African Journey to End Hunger"

I don't know which I'm more excited about--the fact that my footwear can apparently talk, or that Drew will next solve the troubles in the Middle East. (While wearning nice shoes, of course.)

Sparkle Plenty said...

The 10 Hot New Sex Moves That'll Dazzle Your Guy! (Impossible, they invented everything before 1908.)
10 Tips to Change Your Life!
10 Budget-Friendly Banquets!
WALK your way to fitness! (Which is just a slap in the face to people in wheelchairs.)
SNACK your way to fitness! (Funny. Never seems to work that way.)
Winter Wardrobe Wonderland!
What's new for spring! (Fall! Winter! Summer!)
Get Your Hubby to Help!

Sparkle Plenty said...

Fast Fixes for Nails (Hair, Skin, Butt, Peace in the Middle East)

Sparkle Plenty said...

Home Makeovers in a Weekend!
Hitler's At-Home Beauty Spa Tips!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

That would be pretty cool if Drew Barrymore ended hunger.

(You do know that I now have to add Drew to my list of pretentious celebrities I can't stand)

Sparkle Plenty said...

If my shoes talk about me behind my back, they're soleless heels that deserve to be trod upon.

cake said...

- The girl's guide to auto repair.
- Swimsuit styles for any body type.
- Two weeks to a new you!
- How to make your kids ask for second helpings of brussel sprouts.

Phil Donahue's Niece said...

Fast an easy recipes using Red Bull, a rubber band and some Crisco!

Phil Donahue's Niece said...

You could marinate brussel sprouts ina chocolate and cover them in caramel, and they STILL wouldn't taste good!!!

Lois Lane said...

"...Red Bull, a rubber band and some Crisco"

That's what Drew Barrymore is using to end world hunger!

Sparkle Plenty said...

I love "fast and easy recipes using red bull, a rubber band, and some crisco!"

But, gosh, I dunno, Yogi...red bull, a rubber band, and some crisco sounds like a hybrid combo diet/sex tip to me...


cake said...

"...marinate brussel sprouts in chocolate and cover them in caramel..."

Ohhhh - I feel sick now.

Conrad Baines said...

Bitch, make me a sandwich.