Thursday, November 13, 2008

Jennifer Aniston



So last night I get home and Wifey is watching some Jennifer Aniston/Kevin Costner movie on the Oxygen channel. That's all you really need to know, but I will continue anyhow.

So at one point in the movie I turn to Wifey...

ME: "That Jennifer sure does have some Man-Hands, huh?"

WIFEY: :::silence:::

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Movie continues...

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ME: "Wow...she sure does have some big hands, huh?"

WIFEY: "Quiet."

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The point?

Well, it seems every decade I get a famous star that I start hating on and Wifey could sense that my new target was gonna be Jennifer.

Is Jennifer talented?

Maybe.

A little.

Pretty?

Sorta.

Nice body?

It's real good.

So why am I hating on her?

Giant hands!

And take a look at her nose sometime! Very mannish.

And she picks these softball bland-o movies.

And she's one of these bitches that thought after F*R*I*E*N*D*S she'd be all in demand.

HEY JEN!!! NOBODY CARES!!!

And she's always whining about Brad leaving her and stuff.

And take a look at her chin. Very strange. And her eyes are too close togther.

And just so you don't think I'm nuts, my Women of Hatred over the years are:

1970s-Barbra Streisand. Ugly. Mildly talented. Still hate her. Possibly a man.

1980s- Julia Roberts. Mildly talented. Possibly a man. Giant feet. Still hate her.

1990s- Hillary Clinton. Man. Hate her.

2000s- And now Jennifer Aniston. Mildly talented. Very Mannish after you study her like I have.

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Now take these four whores and have Marvel Comics publish a comic about them. Stan Lee would name them The DIVAvengers.

I would name them The Four Ugly Mannish Bitches.

Or something.
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SO TO SUM UP:

WIFEY knew what she was doing when she refused to engage me in conversation last night, for I would have ranted.

19 comments:

cake said...

Jennifer Aniston might have the millions but at least I got eyes the right distance apart and delicate girly hands!

Life is good.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I was just informed that Seinfeld did an episode about manhands.

AHHHH!....but did they mention Jennifer?

Huh?

Every notice Jerry's delicate little lady hands?

Buddy Night candidate said...

No, but I certainly noticed his strong jawline.

bacon ace said...

I know what you mean NoOprah. I hate the wife from Everybody Loves Raymond. I just hate her. I was at a social gathering a few years back where a friend's friend's wife looked exactly like her. I couldn't even look at her. I hated her because I hated the wife from that show so much.
I was told she was a very nice person, but it didn't matter. There was no way I could be near her without waning to punch her. I ended up seeing her a few more times at other gathering and same thing; I kept my distance. The problem is her husband was cool so we ended up talking a lot, but when she strolled around I just kept to myself thinking how much I hate her for being so much like the woman I hate.
I know, I need help.

Kathy said...

B Ace - ur so right.want to smack ray's wife.

Another man-hands, feel-badly-for-the-guy-who-married her actress > leah rimini

cake said...

Everybody Loves Raymond...

...except for me.

For the record.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Bet ya $1.75 (to be donated to Batman, Turkey or to buy cranberry sauce or something) that if Aniston walked into your store you would swiftly sort her into the "hot chick" category--man hands or no man hands.

Hilllllllary and Barbra? Not makin' that bet. Not even for Batman, Turkey.

Kathy said...

there used to be a rumor when Friends first came out, that mAniston was actually a man and had a sex change.

s/he should get his/her money back

bacon ace said...

"Another man-hands, feel-badly-for-the-guy-who-married her actress > leah rimini"

She's the wife from King of Queens right?

cake said...

Everybody Loves King of Queens, too...

...except me.

For the record.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Ditto on the lack of Raymond and King O' Queens love, Cake.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Love The King of Queens.

For the record.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Hmm. You dig the shrill, manhandian shemalia Remini.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Yup.

She's funny.

cake said...

So to sum up:

IANO is retahded.

I always suspected.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Cor blimey o'coon!

cake said...

You can say that again!

probably not really sparkle said...

Cor blimey o'coon!

mitch mitchell said...

I wish my hands weren't dead.