ME: "Would you like to renew our wedding vows?"
WIFEY: "No."
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"It's over for us. If this oil comes ashore, it's just over for us," Rowell said angrily, rubbing his forehead. "Nobody wants no oily shrimp."
"Oh, That Wifey!"
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My dog.
21 comments:
Well, at least she didn't ask to rescind them.
If you did renew your vows, what would you add in there/change?
The part about always wearing bellbottoms and forever loving the band BLONDIE.
1) Please promise you didn't ask to renew the vows so you could add an anti-capri pants clause?
2) If you two need a good home, you let me know. 'cause damn! You are a diabolically cute couple. Very silky coats.
3) Your wife is hilarious. Sometimes, she seems like the wry Alice to your Ralph...But I haven't figured out who's Ralph and who's Ed when it comes to you and Hoagy...
But see, that's just not original...
(I was referring to IANO, not Sparkle. She's very original).
Wedding vows are for chumps!
But, I always liked the wedding vow! Y'know: "I promise to be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent [of course, irreverent is even better]..."
I mean! Courteous! Kind! Clean! Where can you go wrong?
What's that?
Oh.
SPARKLE: I was in the Boy Scouts and never learned any of those things, I'm proud to say.
I wrote this beautiful wedding vow and presented it to my wife on our wedding day:
"In brightest day, in blackest night,
No evil shall escape my sight
Let those who worship evil's might,
Beware my power...Wedding Ring's light!"
Needless to say I almost didn't get married....
...to a woman.
IANO:
Why are you bring Goldie Hawn into this!?
Sparkle:
If I had wedding vows, I'd write 'em myself and they'd involved books and chocolate. And I'd re-use them for New Year's resolutions, too. Heh.
The problem with wedding vows is that they're just words. They don't bind one person to another. Only the actions of the people involved can do that.
Sometimes you write nice vows, and recite them to each other and years later she turns out to be a totally worthless lying cunt and you have to move on.
Just sometimes I'm saying.
JOE: Good lad! The less-advertised version of the oath--"I vow to spit, swear, slouch, smoke, 'n skip school"--tends to be a lot more low-pressure, while offering a rich array of interesting badging opportunities.
CAKE: You have a good head on your shoulders.
BACON: It is good to know that you're alive and were not felled by the irate 'nam vet!
Sparkle:
Awww shucks...::blushes and toes the ground in an embarrassed way::
And now I want chocolate, dammit! I wish I had vows binding someone to bring me chocolate!
I sense some rage from Mr. Ace.
Joe: Best wedding vows EVER! *sigh* If only my husband was that romantic.
Bacon: You need a group virtual hug, don't you?
IANO: forget renewing the vows. just copy those 2 mutts in the photo.
gettin' busy is way more fun then gettin' married (and i had a helluva great time gettin' married so I know from whence I speak)
Nah I'm good. I have a great woman now. That doesn't mean I can't still be slightly bitter about the 14 years stolen from me though right?
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